The Smoothie Shop

SOmething REal

2005-12-13T01:24:00.000-05:00

The past couple months, especially weeks have been a series of ins and outs. Half awake, half asleep. Not always aware, not always there. always trying, always looking. given 1000 piece puzzle... trying to find myself. First semester of college and I've learned more of myself than all the 18 years of my life. That may be, I knew who I was until High School. I decided to try something new and maybe took it too far. I fell off the deep end. I've been there and now I'm coming back again. I've had my lows, but I've had my high's. Man have I had my highs, but I seem to only remember the lows. I've put off solving the puzzle of my life. Now its occured to me that I might need to solve this puzzle, see who I am and what I want, maybe live for something. I've always had sometihng to live for. The only time I haven't I've fallen so far down I'm out of breath. Solve 1000 pieces in one week. I've already made the edge. I haven't been myself, and yet I have.

I'm strong. I'm better off now than before. I will lead the way. Follow the light. I'm ever improving. This system won't beat me down any longer. I have control. I'm the pimp, not the ho. Time is running out, but I'm finding something.

I've always had a plan for my life until college. It's happened to everyone I've ever known. They go to college and somehow realize theres more to life and have to choose... to throw out their life or save it. All that they knew and believed is tested. Somehow I thought that wouldn't happen for me, but it has. ALl my plans, all my dreams have been reevaluated. are they worth it, can i do it. do i want to. How important sometihng is to you is determined by how long you're willing to wait for it. i'll wait for you. i'll wait for love, i'll wait for money. there's no need to wait for happiness. it's already here. i'm beginning to find it once more. there will be a new me, a better me after break. take note of my changes.

ive been looking for something real. a couple times i thought i found it, but they turned out to be fake. when i find something real i can't move past it. im drawn to it. im drawn to truth and im drawn to innocence. im drawn to simplicity and natural beauty. im drawn to purpose, but can't go on with out spontaneity. what do i want?

don't ever hesitate. never hold back a thought. never fear my opinion or response. if you want me, if you want me to listen tell me. that is truth and that is real. no lies, just honesty. my love is there. embrace it. ill embrace you. who cares what it sounds like...whats more important is what it is. theres life only limited by time. don't let it slip away. dont sleep it away. dont ignore it or wait for the perfect moment. dont wait until things change or opportunity knocks. open the door yourself. find your own opportunity. sweet dreams!!

Thoughts

2005-12-13T01:16:00.000-05:00

Sleep. Rape. Silence. Rape. Silence. rape. silence. hungry. Food. Tired, bed. Must Work. Open eyes. Close eyes. Let go. No, paper. Rape. Silence. Rape rape rapE. Earp Pear Reap. Facebook! Thirsty. Caffeine, no Water. Water Gatorade. Put A Late One in the fridge. Sex, not now. What's on TV. Clayton sleeps. Music...headphones. Can't wait. Paper due. 7 hrs 32min. Witten Update. Pill pills pillllsss. Not penus free or sleeping... Speed!! G2G. Random, ADHDTV. Who's online? What am I thinking? When will the Sun rise? Breakfast, no time. Starving. I'll eat dinner. Fag, Gah. Brooke, sexy sex. Phone. NEW PHONE. Need numbers. Love people. Hate people. G2 Change. Need somehing real. Paper... work. Study, CHem EXam. WIll FAil Must pass. nno, nothing left. Makes sense!

Music

2005-10-31T17:13:00.000-05:00

Music speaks to the soul when nothing else will listen!

Questions 1

2005-10-13T02:47:00.000-04:00

Why do I have to be so lost? And why can't I go away to find myself? Please somebody help me. Somebody be there for me. Somebody worthwhile and helpful get me on track. Help me get ahold of myself, my nerves. AGH! Goodnight!

Weak

2005-10-07T17:40:00.000-04:00

I feel like breaking things. I wrote for an hour, maybe one of my deepest and most personal posts yet, and somehow I lost the entire thing. ::SCREAMS:: Why WHY did that happen? Was it not meant to come out? How could I ever repeat all that I just said? I'll try!

Do you ever feel weak all over? Like, something rather light just seems to heavy to lift. It really has nothing to do with your muscles but more your mind. I don't have a weak mind, but sometimes I believe I have a weak spirit. Maybe it's a lack of desire. I catch myself saying one thing and doing something else. As much as I like this city, the city I feel that it is slowly killing my spirit. I miss the beauty of nature in the country. I just need to get away and refuel.

Who are you? Who am I? Who are you to say that I'm not who I say I am? And me you? What is it that makes people want/have multiple personalities, sides, masks? I have had many sides. I never was being untrue to myself. Each side of me was really me. It just turns out that these people only saw this side of me and those people a different side. But somewhere along the line they all melted and mixed into each other. It's like taking several neat stacks of different categories of papers and shuffling them all into one big pile. As a result I seem to have mood... not swings, but changes. There is no consistency like before. You may see various sides of me. One good thing about having only side is that I have gained a spontaneity characteristic, which is new for me. But what I need to do is reorganize this stack of papers and then restack them in order to have no mask be be layered and deep.

I am a laid back kind of guy. There is no need to be complicated. I know people who really try to be complicated. Many times people seem to confuse being complicated with being deep. Being complicated may give the appearance of being deep, but they can actually be very shallow. Others are both complicated and deep. Which makes them appear to be even deeper, but this just leads to endless mazes. There is no reason to make things complicated. Just be yourself.

I want to change. Everyone should try to change. I want to change not because I don't like who I am, but because I realize I'm not seizing the day. There is so much more out there and I'm just watching it all pass by. I can be better. I can be more. I can do more. I want more. Why settle for something less?

---Some people feel that change is not of your control. In fact everything you are, none of it is really your control. It all goes back to the experiences you have had. If someone else was placed in every experience that you were in they would be exactly like you. That's not true. It's possible, but the experiences doesn't make the person. It is all based upon how that person reacts to it and their attitude about it. A good example is that of the pessimist and optimist. I know people who get very little sleep, live a very busy life, and complain about it, being negative toward life. Then I see others who get less sleep and have a busier life, given less time to themselves, but they accept their lack of sleep and busy life as part of college/life and can't wait to reap the benefits ahead of them, always positive and never complaining. It is also argued that people's attitudes in life are also based upon experiences from earlier in their life. I believe this is mostly true. But there's more to it than that. I believe astrology has something to do with it, ones birthday. Not all predictions from astrology is true, but i believe theres some truth to it. Also one's name. How many times have you thought, they don't look like a Michael or something like that? You characterize people by their names because people really do seem to be similar because of their name. Most importantly there is so much character that comes from genetics. This has been proven with children who have never known their parents and siblings and yet have similar personality traits. Even siblings may have similar interests in foods, movies, music, and clothes despite possibly never knowing each other.---

NO, I can change. It will take a good deal of deteremination and self-discipline and self-motivation as well as encouragement from my peers, but it can be done. The influence one can have on me by their encouragement or lack there of is strong. Please don't hold me back. I just have to create an image in my mind of what I want to be, to work toward. No one is or can be perfect because we're human. But there is absolutely nothing wrong with aiming for it. Set your goals high.

---shoot for the moon, even if you miss you'll land among the stars---

But first I have to understand myself. I'm learning fast. What is it I want? I fear? My priorities? My desires? I've got to go for what I want/need. It sure won't come on its own.

Lets be honest shall we. There are many times I haven't lied but let others think what they want and not specified whether its true or false. Sometimes I've encouraged others opinions of me because some how they came to a conclusion on their own that they obviously wanted to believe (maybe subconsciously).

Honestly:

I have NEVER been drunk
I have NEVER had sex
I have NEVER smoked
I HAVE been high on multiple occaisons
I HAVE seen people having sex
I HAVE seen real boobs and felt them and the like
I HAVE watched porn
I HAVE cussed
I HAVE lost ones close to me

Pet Peeves:

Stupid High School Drama and Jokes
Drama Kings
Gossipers and Rumors
Forgetting Good Dreams
Alarms that wake me up during a good dream
A Lack of Communication (#1)
A Lack of Concern
Narrow-mindedness (You can be open-minded and narrow-minded both)
Fakes, Posers
Dishonesty, Untrustworthy
Your Mom Jokes
Negativity

As much as these things annoy the crap out of me, it'd be hypocritical of me to say I've never been apart of it. But there it is, to the best of my memory, what I had just posted and lost.

The Search for Solid Ground

2005-10-07T13:21:00.000-04:00

This is the Dawning of the Rest of our Lives...

Sometimes I get so caught up in my little life that I forget about everything else in this world. I forget to care about others, or try to understand them. On the other hand sometimes I have a tendency to get too involved. Here lies my struggle to find the balance. And another war I'm losing is one with myself. I want 1 thing but I just seem to fail horribly at getting it. Not because I don't have the ability but because I lack the self-discipline and sometimes I wonder if it really is my desire. The truth is... I don't know what I want, and that makes it difficult to get it. Also I lack money, and do not want a job. I could get a job, and I probably should, but I really don't want to so I never seem to make any effort to. Man, I'm hungry. But there are other desires that I know that I want, but I don't really know how to approach it. Today will be a good day for me to get organized and make some sense in my life. Hopefully I'll "wake up" and get a grip on things. I'm not really what i'd call falling, but maybe sinking. I need to get back on solid ground. Clayton is gone for the weekend. WOOT WOOT!. What, he doesn't read this. Hmm... well I must get something to eat. I'm starving. What's everybody doing over fall break? I'm going to go to Chad's party for AP tonight. I guess I'm going to mostly study. I've got nothing better to do, than just a self-analysis. Later!!! Post something people!

Witten's Universe

2005-10-05T02:12:00.000-04:00

Witten's Universe

GOOD DAY

2005-09-27T08:44:00.000-04:00

Wow, today has been so great thus far. I got up at 7:30ish. Got ready, stretched and ran for a solid 15 minutes. It felt so great. It has been so long since I've gone running, and I highly suggest it. I would have last night, but it was late, dark, and wet so it wouldn't have been as good as forcing myself to get up earlier and running in the light, and dryness.

Now that I've ran I've sat for about 30 minutes, but it's ok, because I'll be good and awake. Hopefully my muscles will convulse less today though. They were having war I think, all the spasms... I guess that's what happens when you only get 4 hours of sleep. I haven't gotten much sleep lately. Shoo... the wedding and all I averaged maybe 6 hours of sleep and that was a lot more than most. Then I get back and get 4, so now I'm back to 5 or so and it feels good.

And I can't help but thank of happy thoughts, especially romantic ones. I'm not sure why. We were watching the vagina monologues yesterday (I'll watch more today) and now I have a new respect for women, and their vagina's. And to be honest, despite my lack of experience, I think I could please a woman pretty well now. Not that I'm looking for that, I'm just saying. Anyways, I'm having a great day...and hopefully will make this into a habit because I really need it. It'll be busy though.

Thank you, for being there to make my day great!

OH...taking all volunteers for someone to run with in the mornings... (it's good for you)

Befuzzled

2005-08-25T17:54:00.000-04:00

I wish I could speak to someone in person the way I can in my head. I wish the words would come out just as they were planned in my head. Some things simply cannot be described with words, but some things can and I wish that when they can I had the ability to get them out. Instead I seem to go blank or stumble and crumble in the presence of the ones I love. Somehow I never really seem to be able to express my emotions or my love. I hardly ever come across as I intend to. How can I change that because I do not want to go on like this anymore. The people in my life I don't want to leave. I want to get closer to them as much as possible, but at the same time I keep getting a "stay back" vibe. I care enough that I wouldn't want to invade them or let them feel that way, but I can't seem to express myself. Why is it so hard to say goodbye? Why is it so hard to say anything of importance? Why is it I can understand when I should speak, when I shouldn't, and know that if there was a moment, an opportunity this is it, but still unable to find the words and simply watch the moment pass and always wonder if there will ever be another opportunity or if its all over. I find that I am rarely jealous. When I am it is usually not of tangible items. But jealous goes a long way with trust. I cant always seem to be able to trust myself. That is exactly why I don't drink. Yes I feel it's wrong, but I might could convince myself it's alright, maybe just a taste. But fearing what I might do...that is enough to hold me back. This world is so beautiful. Why do so many people have to ruin that? I believe that is the only thing i really have against mankind, although that does pretty much cover everything bad. This world is beautiful. SEX!

The Nutshell of My Summer

2005-08-12T02:10:00.000-04:00

Well, It's August 12th, 2005. 2:12 am. Elaine's birthday. Exactly one week until move-in day. College life begins... This has been an eventful summer, full of drama, escape, adventure, beginnings, and ends. Although there was a good deal of time I was sick to my stomach with stress, and so many depressing thoughts weighing me down I've enjoyed my summer. For all those who don't know...my life in a nutshell (currently): I live at home, only for one more week, with my loving and enduring parents, my third oldest sister (who is going to UK as a graduate) with her twin boys (age four) and her daughter, my oldest sister, her fiance (Joel), and my adorable girl, Bagheera. Lisa, 3rd eldest, will be teaching adult ed. at Southern Elementary, my old school. Her daughter will be a new student there as well. Christy, my eldest, is getting married September 24th I believe. In the mean time she has no job and is working on this HUGE event, her wedding. That's not sarcasm. They say women dream of this day from the time their kids, and she's 31. I get to be an usher. Last time I was in a sisters wedding (both actually) I was the ring-bearer, that cute little boy who walks with that cute little girl. My parents stay busy trying to take care of a full house, paying for a wedding outside their budget, as well as get a car and a computer for their only son, all while trying to cover the huge bill for college. I dare not imagine their stress. And since most of you are not acquainted with my family, Lisa and Christy clash like no other. They are so much a like, both considered the wild ones of the family, as well as the artists, and both stubborn and independent. Sometimes living here I think I'm in an active volcano. It's hard to believe that summer is almost over, my last summer before my life takes its greatest turn yet. So many to see and so little time. The worst part...my best three friends as of less than a year ago have been so busy with work, or something I haven't gotten to see them for so long. BTW anybody know if Greg is okay? Chris is so busy he's managed to shoot right up the ladder. Soon he'll have his own pizza hut being one of the youngest store managers in Pizza Hut history. Because of that he will begin at UK in the spring, and I never get to see him. Greg seems to work too much, I assume he gets paid a good deal as well, and any free time he has seems to be when I have to work or when he can go see his girl. Logan. I don't quite no much about him anymore. He's a busy man. Our friendship seemed to take a dive for the worst, and with all my efforts to save it, or what was left...it seems to have vanished. I will never forget one long and hard conversation on a hot summer day, when we decided (or realized) that our friendship would never be the same again. That thought alone makes me sick and cold. Some pain strikes to deep and time can never ever heal. I love him more than a brother, and somehow I feel that it doesn't matter. And I feel that if I could ever just get the right words out things could change, but I never can. I will hope and pray, but what else can I do? Since those three have been out of my life for too long I have had the pleasure of getting to know my other three best friends soo much better. Witten is an awesome guy, and the more I get to know him the more I want know him. Kory, my longtime friend. As much as he's worked, and it's sucked b.c he seems to work 8-5 and I 5-9, we've gotten to hang out more than in the past at least, but not enough. Congrats on the new car btw, although I don't know if you actually have it yet. For those who don't know, Kory and I have been friends since 3rd grade I believe. Our friendship has dwindled and rekindled through the years and I believe we've been closer this summer than ever before. Last but not least, Esta. Next to Greg I've known her the shortest, and even more recent did I really start to hang out with her. She's one of the most complicated people I've met with a never-ending maze to her heart and soul. I don't believe I'll ever fully understand her, but somehow I never ever can regret any moment with her. She's one of the few girls I can be myself around, and treat her like one of the guys. That comfort has lead to a strong friendship that I hope never ends. Why is it that this moment is so sad to me? Things will never be the same, not just between me and Logan, but for all of us with anyone or anything, ourselves, even our families. Better or worse, things will change. There's no stopping it. And in most cases, all that we've ever known (been familiar with) will be gone, so very distant. The closeness we had in school I desire to have back...my senior year, my junior...in the past never to be changed. Friendships are many times shaped by the time spent. The friends you had more classes with you seemed to get closer to, and the ones you had known drifted away until the new schedule. I hate to think that because all my friends, most of them I've known for many years will be more distant, even if they're just a couple dorms away. And if we don't MAKE the time for each other then we'll forget each other, and that's what scares me. I could juggle seeing a great variety of friends, all being within 15 minutes of each other, now some may be 2, 3 or more hours. Yes we can make new ones, and I will have my share, but I still don't want to let go of the ones I've already got. Is that so hard to understand? College means the end of an era, one I've gotten too used to. But it also means the beginning of a new era. I'm not sure what lies ahead, but I'm willing to find out. With all my regrets, and all my desires that can't be fulfilled, all the errors I've made and all the pains we've gone through, that may never be healed, there is no reason why things can't start over new/fresh. A clean slate if you will, but don't let me stand alone. It's now a little after three, and I can't sleep because I'm going to see if there's a meteor shower at 4. I'm sure you're bored of this and me anyway. So for now, and until when I don't know, so long and the best of luck in college. A quote I live by:

Accept change, but only for good!

Please feel free to respond to this post. As long as it's been since I've posted anything I doubt anyone will even notice, but I think I have to many loose ends, and too much unfinished business for this to not spark an interest and receive a response. Goodnight, and God Bless!

Once Again...

2005-06-26T23:11:00.000-04:00

Hello everyone. You might be wondering what could have changed in my life that I could be blogging once again this quick. I just watched Hotel Rwanda and realized my life isn't that bad. Yeah, I'm in a few hard spots, and I have problems I don't want to deal with, but it could be worse. It could be worse. I suddenly like my odds. I don't think my situation has any weapons involved yet. And I believe wholeheartedly that if it came to it, I'd be willing to give my life for either of the two people I can't get off my mind. Theres a few other great people I care for that much, but I just felt like saying that. Goodnight, and have a great day everyone!

Ups and Downs

2005-06-26T18:33:00.000-04:00

Wow, life is interesting. One moment I feel like my world is great, and life is going my way. Nothing is wrong and I am strong. Then a moment later I realize everything is opposite as I had percieved it. Unfortunately There is a triangle in my life that seems to go bad. It just so happens that the three of us will be moving in to dorms right next to each other at the same college, and that seemed perfect before. But now they wish they chose different schools out of state, just to run away from things. I am really trying to be as optimistic as I can. I still think things can work, but I do believe it will take time. And believe it or not, time can change things. Why can't things be simple like childhood was? Why do people get addicted to drama in high school? I've been sick for the past few days. I've lost my appetite. I always feel like I'm about to puke. I can't sleep. I can't cry. I can't think. I can't clear my mind. I don't even know where I'm at anymore. At least work keeps my mind busy. I'm sure I'm not the only one to feel this way. For so long I've ignored parts of my life, and endorsed others. The problem...me! I need God. He is the only answer to anything, and I can't ignore him anymore. I heard a song, I'm sure we have all heard it, and it's not that great, but some of the lyrics surprised me. *see bottom of the page* Check it out. ::sigh:: What to say... I love the people in my life and I don't want to lose them. I pray you wont push me away. I care for you, believe it or not. I can forgive, in fact I have. I don't hold anything against you two. I just wish you could do the same for me and for each other. Things have to get better. They will. SO LONELY! Okay, enough of this. ::Note to readers:: Don't look to much into this. I'm venting. I need to talk though. In person. I just never seem to have the words. Love to ALL!

Complications

2005-06-21T00:11:00.000-04:00

Life is complicated. It's like, whenever you start to get things cleared up and everything is starting to go your way somebody has to go walk in and mess it all up. Or, when you think things can't get any worse it does. But you know what, I'm starting to get on top of things. There are some big things that I'm still working on and know that will take some time, but the little mess that's all around I'm cleaning up. SO nobody do anything dramatic for a while. LOL! Nope, I'm on a good foot, and some of my more important relationships are being rebuilt, so we can move on to another part of our life. I'm still riding a fence though, and it's starting to hurt...just picture me sitting on a fence, leg on either side, just sliding down this chain link fence, or worse, barbwire fence...just riding it any way possible. It doesn't feel good. But neither side is solid ground, and I'll have to make a dive to get over this ditch, but I'm going to have to hurt somebody in the process, and I can see the most beneficial, which still isn't easy, but I'm not sure what's right. I think I'll take a little jab on both sides and see if I can find some solid ground under the mud. Well, that's enough for analogies tonight. Hope everyone had a good day. I did. It was much better than last night. dun dun dun! (That wasn't a joke so quit laughing) Happy Birthday Logan. Thanks for everything! I hate to say you gave me more than I gave you on your birthday, but maybe it was pretty even, so I hope. Goodnight to all! Piece Out

Jobs

2005-06-19T02:25:00.000-04:00

Thought I'd post, that I now have a JOB! I'm officially a cook at Cici's Pizza. And I like it mostly. There's a lil kid that gets on my nerves and don't trust him at all. But other than that it's a good place to work. I do however stand on my feet for sooo long though. It's good though, as long as I don't make a career out of it it will do me some good. Build up my muscles. That or break 'em. I drove around lexington today. I got to see where I'll will be living for the next year. Holmes Hall in North campus, with none other than Clayton Heironymus. I don't know how or why he didn't get put with Robert but...oh well. I like lexington. For the most part I like my life and where it's headed. There's a lot I need to change about myself, and a lot of regrets that I'll have to get over, but I like it. I'm mostly balanced... ::Emotion:: Satisfied. There's so much to say but I lack the ability to bring words in an order that others could read. Then again some of it I just can't publish. Certain people shouldn't know certain things I want to say. My life... It's complicated. And I get the feeling that most of it isn't my fault. Maybe I care to much, but I don't see that as a bad thing. I love my friends. All of them. I wish I could see them more, go on trips. Do this and that, and oh, I love my friends. They're the greatest. And I really hope they read this. I doubt anybody reads this anymore. Maybe I should say something about drugs to see if I'll get a response. Oh, if you do ever read one of my posts please respond to it somehow. Even if you got nothing to say. And since you don't have blogger it will say anonymous so in the message tell me who u r! Thanks! Gooday!

LONG TIME

2005-06-03T10:58:00.000-04:00

Wow, it's been almost 3 months since my last post and sooo much has happened. I have graduated now. That is one of those things that just never seem like it's actually happening. You watch the people go up there and everything, but it seems to big and to important for it to be real. Am I really about to graduate, get my High School Diploma. This thing I've strived for for over 12 years? It's just weird. What else, what else? I went to prom. That was interesting. My date was very uncomfortable the entire time. I think half of it, she didn't wnat to be comfortable (which I don't understand) and the other half was because she didn't know anybody or anything. It would have made anybody a little bit uncomfortable. Plus she's a very independent woman which makes me feel awkward if I try to help her walk with her high heels on, she sorta pushes me away (Ouch). I mean even feminists like guys to hold the door open. That was awkward. Anyways, despite everything I think she did have some fun there toward the end. I think she hates to be seen with me though. Poor David!! OO, I went to Chicago. That was a grand thing. I love Chicago. It's such a pretty city. So much wonderful architecture. I had some of the best food at Benningans or something like that, which I think is a chain because apparently there is one in WV. I thought maybe it was just a nice restaurant in downtown Chicago, because it was, but I guess it's all over. WOOT! What else. My parents, in fact my whole family but me and my sister are going on vacation to some really nice beach house. GRRR! I'm going to King's Island this weekend though. And I'm also going to Europe for two weeks, so beat that. My mom always finds a way to do the same thing though. I got a distinguished on my portfolio which made me exempt from Finals....WHOOHOO! I don't know what I would have done since Mrs. Stacy lost my Calc final and theres no possible way I could have passed the Physics Final! I was exempt from midterms too. It's so great... And now I'm out for good. Except I've still gone back quite a few times since. I've been getting recommendation letters. You really have to stay after these teachers. LOL! Hmm...there is a lot of personal stuff I should vent about, but even though there is only about 5 ppl whoever check this smoothie shop I still don't feel comfortable sharing it right now. I guess that I'll just think about! Umm, what else to say. I'm so lonely. Although right now it doesn't bother me. I want a girlfriend, but I've enver gone for the ones who go for me because yes I'd have a girlfriend but no I don't think I'd enjoy it much. I mean what's the point of having something if you don't want it. But maybe I'll give them a chance. Well, that really depends. I've got one in mind so that works, but all the others I can think of would drive me insane (and thats bad)! Things are so complicated though. I can never date the girl I want. GAH! Where is the easy button when I need it! Peace Out! (I'm so black)! OOK OK, adios. Is that better? I know I'm not spanish, but I say that a lot so just deal with it!

I'm a MAN!

2005-03-06T20:58:00.000-05:00

Well, I'm 18 now. Always a big step in someone's life. And now I am officially a man. No questions asked. Dad gave a nice fighting knife, $100, and a sport coat and dress pants, shirt and tie. I guess he considers that the necessary for a man to have. Oh, and a cellphone. It's nice to have a cellphone. It was just me and him today. We went to church together, and then ate at Ryan's, just the two of us. Then we went shopping and he took me to singing practice. After waiting for an hour and a half we went on home. Then we jumped a car and took it to the shop. Stereotypical bonding time I guess. It was nice...many times today I felt like he had something to say, but didn't say it. I feel like he wanted to give me a

...you're a man now...

speech. He never did. I doubt I'll ever get one. If I wanted a speech from him...a time where he sat and told me how it is and gave me some key advice, or something like

no matter what you do in life, I'm proud of you, son

this was when I should have gotten it. I never had that awkward conversation from father to son about puberty. Of course I didn't want that...I'm just stating a fact. But the other would have been nice. ::thoughtful::

Apology Accepted?

2005-02-27T21:27:00.000-05:00

To those who have read my last post about certain subjects that may have surprised you to find on my blogger....I apologize. Now looking back I see that it could be taken wrongly because it is very convincing. Just to let you all know...I never said I had done that ever, not once in that post. That is because I haven't and I figured you all would leave comments thinking it was a joke, based upon my character and what you know of me. I am happy to know that everyone who read it was concerned and said that wasn't like me. It isn't and I am happy you think so. However I'm sorry for scaring you or misleading you...or anything else. That's all for now!

Gas Station Lady

2005-02-07T19:39:00.000-05:00

Well, today I went to get gas and return a library book! The book was really late, hate to see the fine on that sucka. I skipped A-team practice too because I felt crappy. Actually I just needed to crap, but anyways! I was at the Kroger gas station, sorta in a hurry to get home...and so I stood in line waiting to pay cash. This fat lady was in front of me, just waiting until I got up there, and then decided to say something. I saw her standing around for the entire time pumped the gas. WHen I started to come over she decided to get in line. Thats not a big deal, but it's annoying because she decided to complain about her 10 cent discount. If you go to Kroger and spend over $100 at one time, then the next time you get gas it's 10 cents per gallon off instead of 3 cents. Kroger has to be making a killing off this because you know people are buying food just to get the discount, even though they don't need the food. So actually it would be cheaper if they just got the gas. And the people who already spend over $100 every time dont realize it and just spend 2 or 3 times more. Anyways, this woman just realized that, hey she was spending her 10 cent discount. All she wanted was the machine to be reset so she didn't have to use it yet. I don't think she realized that she could just wait or cancel or something and it would reset itself. And if thats all she wanted she could have told the cashier lady to reset it, she messed up. BUt she HAD to argue. She tried to defend herself apologizing for wasting our time, by saying that she just wanted a couple dollars of gas and it would be stupid to waste this discount now, when she only gets less than a gallon. Fair enough, but who only gets $2 worth of gas? OK OK, I can understand if your almost out, and just want enough to get on down the road to that cheaper gas station, but tell me...where in g-town can you go to get gas cheaper than Kroger, especially with a 10 cent discount. Any other place is too far down the road. YOu'll need more than $2 to get there. So if thats not the care does she mean to tell me shes not low on gas and is just getting $2 to keep her car up at full or sometihng? People only get small amounts of gas at a time because they expect to come back again soon. $2 wont last a day usually. Do you just like going to the gas station? If you go to the station that often because you only get that small amount of gas you are probably losing money by actually putting forth the effort to come out to the station. Why bother? So if your not full and you don't have another station to go to you might as well fill it up now, b.c its not like your saving time by getting less b.c you waited 10 minutes to complain about it. Lets suppose you only ahve a couple bucks to spend anyways, and thats why you only get a little bit, and lets assume you are almost out so u have to get something...shouldn't you want to save 10 cents or however much you can so you can have that little bit more gas? Some Women are stupid. I mean people, yeah thats right...lol! Me and that other guy weren't buying, but we put on a courteous smile and let her think she wasn't stupid. Also, I arrived home right after Mom, just in time to to bring the groceries in. lol, that was my main point.

New Update

2005-02-02T22:17:00.000-05:00

I haven't updated for a while. I'd sorta like to keep track of who all has this site...I think it is just Kory, Logan, Chris, and John. That's cool. So anyway...what's new with anybody? huh huh? Soo, school sucks. It's just getting on my nerves now. But I'm going to start trying. I need to bring my grades up, all the way up. But it's fun to hang out. Pizza Friday? My house? C3? COOL! I've had a lot on my mind, but now I'm sorta blissful and relaxed. With no worries and nothing to vent about I really don't have anything to say. I'm sorry, but I don't. Hopefully I'll have more later. OH...I'm supposed to take Emily Rawdon on a date to the movies sometime. I promised her two years ago or something and never actually wanted to. But the thing is, she hasn't forgot...so if you all have any ideas on how to get me out of this...please tell me. Girls... And i Want to SMACK KeikO! And a few others, but her the most. Should I tutor more, or quit tutoring and get a job. $10 a session, which is usually an hr, but only 2 hours a week at the moment. Later...

That's the Way, UH HUH UH HUH!!!

2005-01-26T18:25:00.000-05:00

Have I ever had such a wonderful day? Not that i can think of! Today was club day...always a plus. But not only was it club day, but it's also Picture day, just for the clubs. I was in all the pics I was supposed to be in except TSA, which I regret. But I forgot. I got carried away beating the (enter your word here) out of this kid. He kept talking smack so I let him have it. HAHA! Beat him at his own game, which just so happens to not be his game, but mine! :-D That kid made my day. There is a long story behind that, and actually it sounds kinda bad, but trust me ... it was AWESOME! lol! Wondeful day. Oh, Plus I got to see people I don't get to see very much anymore. For those who didn't know My schedule changed. 3rd hour I had AP Calc, and 4th hour I was a TA for Ms. Godsey. I swtiched out of the TA position, so I am not taking AP Calc 4th hour and Singers 3rd. I'm not sure whether that was a good idea or not, but I think it is helping me to get out of my habit of procrastination. Being Godsey's TA was great. She never had anything for me to do, so I always did homework that hour, but as grades show, I began to slack and slack to the point that...well it wasn't good. Now I'm slowly raising my grades. Also, 4th hour Calc has food days. So now I can eat and not feel guilty. Before I'd just show up in the class that was having a food day. But with this new schedule I don't have the freedom to eat as I wish, so my old lunch buddies are gone. My new ones are great, and I don't think they hate me...even the girl who I got white stuff on her pants...(interesting story)...anyhow, I saw them today at clubs. I do believe NHS is my favorite club ever. The sponsors love me, which is nothing new, but still. The greatest thing tho are the people in it. They are, I'd say, the best people of our class. Smart and funny. Great combination. Did i mention I'm the treasurer? That's fun. People come to me looking for answers. ALthough I seem to be left in the cold a lot. Our Sponsor wasn't quite with it today, but they have a habit of wanting us to do the work, but leave us missing important info or something. I hate not having answers. But still...it makes me feel good. Plus, today I finished out my GSP camera. I bought a disposable camera for the GSP reunion and didn't take many pics, so I wasted, I mean, took the rest today. Always fun. So it was a good day. Now I'm home, with Dad, all my fave shows will be on. All two of them, and I have a ton of homework. The question is, do I do the homework or watch the shows? We'll see. I know I should do the homework, so maybe I'll tape the shows. Hmm...duin dun dun! Wow, I need a massage. Emily didn't finish what she started, and I was not about to pay Logan... seriously... anyone, I'm taking offers... I give great massages back. Seriously... Esta and Megan still hold the record for the best massage in my book. ::Gleeful::

A New Beginning

2005-01-15T23:15:00.000-05:00

Hey everybody, new blog here. I'm trying this thing out. lets see how this baby works. I'm not completely sure what all to say yet, but I'm glad I have a place to express! Soo....whats new with you all, what do you think?