SOmething REal

The past couple months, especially weeks have been a series of ins and outs. Half awake, half asleep. Not always aware, not always there. always trying, always looking. given 1000 piece puzzle... trying to find myself. First semester of college and I've learned more of myself than all the 18 years of my life. That may be, I knew who I was until High School. I decided to try something new and maybe took it too far. I fell off the deep end. I've been there and now I'm coming back again. I've had my lows, but I've had my high's. Man have I had my highs, but I seem to only remember the lows. I've put off solving the puzzle of my life. Now its occured to me that I might need to solve this puzzle, see who I am and what I want, maybe live for something. I've always had sometihng to live for. The only time I haven't I've fallen so far down I'm out of breath. Solve 1000 pieces in one week. I've already made the edge. I haven't been myself, and yet I have.

I'm strong. I'm better off now than before. I will lead the way. Follow the light. I'm ever improving. This system won't beat me down any longer. I have control. I'm the pimp, not the ho. Time is running out, but I'm finding something.

I've always had a plan for my life until college. It's happened to everyone I've ever known. They go to college and somehow realize theres more to life and have to choose... to throw out their life or save it. All that they knew and believed is tested. Somehow I thought that wouldn't happen for me, but it has. ALl my plans, all my dreams have been reevaluated. are they worth it, can i do it. do i want to. How important sometihng is to you is determined by how long you're willing to wait for it. i'll wait for you. i'll wait for love, i'll wait for money. there's no need to wait for happiness. it's already here. i'm beginning to find it once more. there will be a new me, a better me after break. take note of my changes.

ive been looking for something real. a couple times i thought i found it, but they turned out to be fake. when i find something real i can't move past it. im drawn to it. im drawn to truth and im drawn to innocence. im drawn to simplicity and natural beauty. im drawn to purpose, but can't go on with out spontaneity. what do i want?

don't ever hesitate. never hold back a thought. never fear my opinion or response. if you want me, if you want me to listen tell me. that is truth and that is real. no lies, just honesty. my love is there. embrace it. ill embrace you. who cares what it sounds like...whats more important is what it is. theres life only limited by time. don't let it slip away. dont sleep it away. dont ignore it or wait for the perfect moment. dont wait until things change or opportunity knocks. open the door yourself. find your own opportunity. sweet dreams!!