Befuzzled

I wish I could speak to someone in person the way I can in my head. I wish the words would come out just as they were planned in my head. Some things simply cannot be described with words, but some things can and I wish that when they can I had the ability to get them out. Instead I seem to go blank or stumble and crumble in the presence of the ones I love. Somehow I never really seem to be able to express my emotions or my love. I hardly ever come across as I intend to. How can I change that because I do not want to go on like this anymore. The people in my life I don't want to leave. I want to get closer to them as much as possible, but at the same time I keep getting a "stay back" vibe. I care enough that I wouldn't want to invade them or let them feel that way, but I can't seem to express myself. Why is it so hard to say goodbye? Why is it so hard to say anything of importance? Why is it I can understand when I should speak, when I shouldn't, and know that if there was a moment, an opportunity this is it, but still unable to find the words and simply watch the moment pass and always wonder if there will ever be another opportunity or if its all over. I find that I am rarely jealous. When I am it is usually not of tangible items. But jealous goes a long way with trust. I cant always seem to be able to trust myself. That is exactly why I don't drink. Yes I feel it's wrong, but I might could convince myself it's alright, maybe just a taste. But fearing what I might do...that is enough to hold me back. This world is so beautiful. Why do so many people have to ruin that? I believe that is the only thing i really have against mankind, although that does pretty much cover everything bad. This world is beautiful. SEX!